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Muggle Snuggle and the Polkas of Azkaban

by Muggle Snuggle

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1.
Expecto Patronum! 02:46
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A spell beyond Ordinary Wizarding Conjures up a guardian that acts as as shield Between you and the dementor A positive force against what they feed on Hope, happiness, the desire to survive It cannot feel despair Incantation with concentration of a happy memory Expecto Patronum, Expecto Patronum Glistening form with a scabbed hand Deep rattling breath comes out of Thick white fog Icy cold rotting ha-a-and Reaching out towards you Lower your hood for a dementor’s kiss They clamp the jaws on the victim’s lips and suck out/ the soul No chance of recovery - the forever-lost soul Does anyone deserve this forever darkness?
2.
Dancing with Dementors 03:20
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I’m Dancin’ with Dementors In mist thick as smoke Somethin’ grey and rottin’ Behind dark hooded cloaks I’m dancin with Dementors My thoughts are turning GRIM All Hope is forgotten Clammy hand upon my skin Dementors are foul And lurk throughout the earth Muggles feel their presence Unseen stealing mirth Infesting dark places Glory in decay despair They drain hope and happiness Right out of the air Dementors are depression Given body and flesh They’ll try to take over And steal your last breath -Don’t let them consume you -No don’t let them win Just Dance Dance Dance Cuz you’re Dancing with Dementors Get too near Dementors All good things you feel every happy memory, They’ll find a way to steal If the Dementor feeds on you Oh, Just long enough You’ll be reduced to something Vile, Hopeless, Given up Dementors don’t care who you are They don't care what you’ve done. They can see through disguises There is nowhere to run It is not in their nature To hear your excuse They’ll suck out your soul And make you feel like you got no use (chorus) I think the only reason I never lost my mind I knew I was innocent To which they were blind That wasn't a happy thought, So they couldn't suck it out Twelve years in Azkaban Betrayed and filled with doubt The Dementors can affect you They’ll take away your bliss If your past is filled with horrors Your fate sealed with a kiss Conjure your happiest memory Feel where it’s coming from Then, Let that incantation out Expecto patronum!
3.
The Weasley Polka 02:33
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When you see The Mark And need some cheering up Grab some Floo Come down to 93 Diagon Alley In our shop You'll find so many Joke products Walk on up we’re stocked up To fulfill your pranking needs We’ve got Fainting Fancies, Fever Fudge, and Puking PastiIles Nosebleed Nougat Will get you out of class (See those) pink and purple balls Those are Pygmy Puffs Come adopt one of these miniature Puffskeins. There are Canary Creams Dungbombs and Headless hats Got some cash? Grow a Stach.. Mir-a-cle Stubble Grow Want to get the girl? Try our Wonder Witch Love Potions ‘N’ Lotion To Vanish Pimples quick We even have some quills For all of your studies Smart Answer, Self Ink and Spell Check varieties. Re-usable Hang-man On a string Hang on tight Spell It right Or He’ll Swing --------- CHORUS So WHY ARE YOU Why are you WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO? We are the store for you That moldy Voldy will never see you (Peruvian) Instant Darkness Powder The day will be black as pitch Just be a clever witch YOU (really) SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT U-NO-POO! If you want a gist Of all that we do sell Ground floor Filches door Hangs his “forbidden” list Anything Written there We can supply Hear the bell, raise some hell Quick find an alibi! We’ll Owl-Post to you Filch will have no clue He holds a box of pranks and tricks Screaming yo-yos & fanged frisbees Across the land, We’ve been banned Since 1996 --------- CHORUS When you see The Mark And need some cheering up Grab some Floo Come down to 93 Diagon Alley In our shop You'll find so many Joke products Walk on up we’re stocked Up To fulfill your pranking needs If you’ve got some sickles Weighing down your robes Load your trunk, with our junk And avoid probety- probes Wildfire Whizbangs stream Across the grounds Look around, it astounds, It's a pyrotechnic treat!
4.
Care of Magical Creatures (demo) 03:22
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Care of Magical Creatures Hedwig is restless; her wings ache to stretch Blast-ended skrewts in crates, but what do they eat? Unicorns dislike males, and the foals are golden Hippogriffs, impossible, love Magical Creatures, fantastical Care of magical creatures, taught by Hagrid or Grubbly-Plank Crookshanks exploring the entire Hogwarts grounds Bowtruckles in trees, eating woodlice as treats Grindylows will grab you, so keep away from the lake Giant Squid, mysterious, bread Trevor is out of sight, Neville's lost his pet Doxies' sharp and venomous bites need an antidote Flobberworms produce mucus for the Wiggenweld Potion Billywigs, sapphire, fast
5.
It Was Dumbledore! 02:16
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Who’s that professor at Hogwarts? Who became the Headmaster later time? It was Dumbledore? (Oooooo It’ was Dumbledore) Who’s that man at Hogwarts With the silvery, white, long beard? (Beard!) Wears wand robes of ...blue? What color DOES he wear, anyway? Dumbledore went up to Honeydukes Hoping to find some candy for some inspiration. He needed a new password For his office He already had Lemondrops Fizzing Whizbees and cockroach clusters What could his next inspiration for a password? Not earwax Bertie Botts - He hated that. “Hey wanna go on a trip with me?” he said to Harry “Sure, Dumbledore. I’d really like to go to Hogsmeade Cuz I hear Honeydukes is awesome ...even though I've never been there cuz like I'm totally banished from going without a signed permission form. And I’d never use that cloak from my father or a secret passageway or anything…” “Great because we’re gonna go there so we can apparate” “We can apparate?!” “Yeah, side by side apparition. Cuz you’re not of age yet” “You know I’m not” ‘But I wasn’t planning for this trip to be a fun one” “Oh no! Why?” “Horcruxes. That’s all I gotta say. You’ll learn more later in your life” “But First” “But First. Honeydukes!” “That would be great, can we go to Honeydukes?” “Yeah. We can go to Honeydukes!” Honeydukes Honeydukes Honeydukes Be sure to bring your wand!
6.
It's Dobby! 01:46
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Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive It’s Dobby (It’s Dobby) Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive It’s Dobby (It’s Dobby) Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive Stealing your mail And ruining dinner, (Surprise!) It’s Dobby Its Dobby It’s Dobby Who’s That blockin’ your way to school Crashin your trunk Make you look like a fool Who’s that tamperin’ wit-dat bludger chasin only you Twirl like a dancer Who’s that stealin’ Snape’s gillyweed So underwater You can breathe Who’s that tryin’ to save your life He tries so hard He takes Bellatrix’ Knife
7.
Lupin and the Full Moon 03:42
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Lupin Howling at the full moon He’d crying out (owooooooo) At the moon (Hoooowwwwl) He’s all alone In the Shrieking Shack That’s his home during the time of the full moon Full moon Lupin was out that night Before dusk When the sun started to go behind the hills He knew the time before the change was nigh He had to travel to somewhere safe Like the |: Shrieking Shack :| But he didn't know who (who) who (who) There was someone else out there They were paying attention to his Shifting moods every month And they were there to help him out They knew what he had become When he howled at the moon And peeves would tease him Luuuuuuupin (Lupin) Ooh, Lupin Loony Loopy Lupin (owoooo)
8.
Sirius Black Flies 03:31
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'Twas early in the fall when I decide to go To Hogwarts in a location unplottable The Sorting hat decided to send me to The House of Gryffindor where I met my crew But the Blacks, the Blacks, except Sirius Black All were Slytherins and Toujours Pur I’ll die before I turn out like my family In the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, at 12 Grimmauld Place Now the boy James Potter was the captain of our crew Played Chaser for Gryffindor and was Head Boy too He said “I’m gonna Levicorpus Snivelous today, jinxing him to flip around the other way.” We protected Remus when the moon was glittering The Marauders were great at transfiguring Little rat, little rat, called Wormtail secretly Go hit the knot on the whomping willow tree When we transformed we traveled everywhere Wanderin’ through the forest, finding secret stairs Paddling through the lake, and poking at trees The Whomping Willow hit back sayin’ “let me be” After leaving Hogwarts, the Marauders four All found ourselves fighting in the Great Wizard War Suspicion arose within our crew And I was blamed for killing Peter Pettigrew Now Padfoot is my alias, and Snuffles too If I’d have been guilty I’d have never pulled through It was dementors, dementors everywhere, And Azkaban was full of dread and despair At last my fear was over and I walked through the doors Sneaked out of my cell and past the dementors As Padfoot I could do what I couldn’t as a man I’ll never be a prisoner of Azkaban again But the Blacks, the Blacks, except Sirius Black All were Slytherins and Toujours Pur I’ll die before I turn out like my family In the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, at 12 Grimmauld Place
9.
The Fountain of Fair Fortune 05:00
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In a garden on a hill Enclosed by magic walls Flowed the Fountain of Fair Fortune One day of the year was a chance to receive Fair Fortune forever more On that day Travel far and wide, Those who can reach the garden before dawn Three witches met outside the walls Told each other of their sorrows As they waited for the sun When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call Asha was ill Altheda homeless Amata heartbroken And they set off as one Creepers from the garden Grasped onto Asha Altheda and Amata were dragged in too Sir Luckless the No-Maj Was tangled with the three And was forced in with his horse Only one can bathe in the fountain Sir Luckless knew He had no chance When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call Amata told him to help them succeed So the four ventured forth To the garden with the steed At the base of the hill Was a monstrous worm “Pay me the proof of your pain” Sir Luckless snapped his sword in the feat As the witches cast spells And threw rocks at the beast Powerless and winless They could not pass As the sun rose higher, so Asha wept When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call The worm drank her tears And withdrew to its hole As all rejoiced the defeat of the task Halfway up the slope Were words in the ground “Pay me the fruit of your labors” They walked and they walked ‘Til sweat hit the ground Then ahead they moved along Now they could see The fountain, blocked by a stream, “Pay me the treasure of your past.” When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call Sir Luckless sank on his shield in the stream So the witches pulled him out As the sun went down Amata drew her memories And dropped them in the stream, So then stepping stones appeared Now at the summit of the hill, The foursome reached The fountain at last Who would bathe? Was the question at hand But Asha collapsed to the ground. When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call Altheda made a drink Of a mix of herbs and water And Asha was cured None of the witches bathed So they told Sir Luckless The Fountain was for him The sun was setting And Sir Luckless emerged And fell in love with Amata in the end The foursome left, living long happy lives, They never knew the Fountain Held no magic at all When you’re certain There's magic within you Be the stone you wish you could hail You can climb a hill alone If you fall, some will catch you Just remember to call
10.
The Modest Witch 02:12
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My momma, your momma, gonna catch a witch, My momma, your momma, flying on a switch, My momma, your momma, witches never cry, My momma, your momma, witches gonna die! Witch number one, drown in a river! Witch number two, got a noose to give her! Witch number three, gonna watch her burn, Witch number four, flogging take a turn. Witch number five, she pricked you with a pin, Witch number six, a trial she can’t win. Witch number seven, gonna have a fit, Witch number eight, circle ‘round a little bit My momma, your momma, gonna catch a witch, My momma, your momma, flying on a switch, My momma, your momma, witches never cry, My momma, your momma, witches gonna die! Witches never die
11.
Gringotts Banksters Polka 02:11
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Behind its white façade and bronzen doors Created 1474, 5-4-3 years old Those goblin mobsters, also known as gobsters They know you’re not as tough as goblin silver and gold Diagon Alley (North Side!) silver entrance What, you think you can just apparate in? “You have no chance." (No chance at all!) Security as strong as the ʛalleon Gringott dam, that Thief’s Downfall A defensive enchantment Gliding through the shafts on tracks Vault 713 is set in stone (get the hint?) Fortius Quo Fidelius (Yeah!) Strength through loyalty accordion polka solo 4 measures It’s the safest place in the wizarding world No safe necessary; all you need is your vault Whose fault is it that gobsters are so clever? No one who breaks in will succeed, not even Voldemort! You know these banksters have clankers For your Ukrainian Ironbelly I tell ya what, it’s so cruel Lestranges, you can seriously go to hell-y Yo, hello, hello, Griphook, Vault 687; I’ve got the key So please take me to get some money Hagrid is my main man so he’s coming with me Fortius Quo Fidelius (Yeah!) Strength through loyalty
12.
Hagrid in Hogsmeade 04:51
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Hagrid Hagrid He went down to Hogsmeade Hagrid Hagrid To get another cupper that mead Hagrid Hagrid I’ll pass on those rock cakes Hagrid Hagrid He drank up the black lake Of the Hogwarts Houses four He was sorted in Gryffindor The giant boarhound, Fang, his dog Along with his 8 legged friend Aragog Caring for Harry when he was just a tyke Took Sirius’ flying motorbike Through the cabin door he appeared Dark figure with a bushy brown beard He took a swig and felt a bit better He brought Harry a cake and letter Telling the story with the Dursleys wary When he revealed Yer a wizard Harry Magically tapping on the bricks Half giant at eight foot six Finally becoming a teacher Fascinated by magical creatures He’s got great taste in choosing fowl He bought Hedwig the Snowy Owl He is friendly with the Centaurs But not so much with Dementors Taking first years across on a boat Pink umbrella and a moleskin coat Wrongly accused Giant man Prisoner of Azkaban Warming an egg in his shack He hatched a Norwegian Ridgeback Hiccuping a fiery spurt Baby dragon named Norbert Outside his hut the nettle dries Tanker of beer is bucket-size Half giant with a heart of gold His dog biscuits are full of mold Comb is breaking in its snare Greasing back his tangled hair Searching for the dragon’s fire gleam Going out with Madame Maxime In his hut you’ll find him relaxin’ Drinking single-malt whiskey with Abraxans Making sure students do go out of bounds He’s Hogwarts Keeper Of Keys and Grounds Parlay with the giants for the Order Hiking mountains and crossing borders Karkus the Gurg ate goats with his wife I would trust Hagrid with my life

about

All music and lyrics written by Kait Weasley and Mermanda, except:
"The Modest Witch" - words by JKR/Fantastic Beasts (last verse by Muggle Snuggle, however);
"Sirius Black Flies," which is a parody of a song by Wade Hemsworth, who was a Canadian folk musician;
and "The Weasley Polka," which is based on "The Clarinet Polka" or "A Hupfata."

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released July 14, 2018

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Muggle Snuggle Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Kait Weasley and Mermanda struggle through their muggle lives and find their magic through music (beyond all they do here).

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