Muggle Snuggle and the Polkas of Azkaban

by Muggle Snuggle

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released July 14, 2018

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Muggle Snuggle Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Kait Weasley and Mermanda struggle through their muggle lives and find their magic through music (beyond all they do here).

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Track Name: Expecto Patronum!
A spell beyond Ordinary Wizarding
Conjures up a guardian that acts as as shield
Between you and the dementor
A positive force against what they feed on

Hope, happiness, the desire to survive
It cannot feel despair
Incantation with concentration
of a happy memory

Expecto Patronum, Expecto Patronum

Glistening form with a scabbed hand
Deep rattling breath comes out of Thick white fog
Icy cold rotting ha-a-and
Reaching out towards you

Lower your hood for a dementor’s kiss
They clamp the jaws on the victim’s lips
and suck out/ the soul
No chance of recovery - the forever-lost soul

Does anyone deserve this
forever darkness?
Track Name: Dancing with Dementors
I’m Dancin’ with Dementors
In mist thick as smoke
Somethin’ grey and rottin’
Behind dark hooded cloaks

I’m dancin with Dementors
My thoughts are turning GRIM
All Hope is forgotten
Clammy hand upon my skin

Dementors are foul
And lurk throughout the earth
Muggles feel their presence
Unseen stealing mirth

Infesting dark places
Glory in decay despair
They drain hope and happiness
Right out of the air

Dementors are depression
Given body and flesh
They’ll try to take over
And steal your last breath
-Don’t let them consume you
-No don’t let them win
Just Dance Dance Dance
Cuz you’re
Dancing with Dementors

Get too near Dementors
All good things you feel
every happy memory,
They’ll find a way to steal

If the Dementor feeds on you
Oh, Just long enough
You’ll be reduced to something
Vile, Hopeless, Given up

Dementors don’t care who you are
They don't care what you’ve done.
They can see through disguises
There is nowhere to run

It is not in their nature
To hear your excuse
They’ll suck out your soul
And make you feel like you got no use

(chorus)

I think the only reason
I never lost my mind
I knew I was innocent
To which they were blind

That wasn't a happy thought,
So they couldn't suck it out
Twelve years in Azkaban
Betrayed and filled with doubt

The Dementors can affect you
They’ll take away your bliss
If your past is filled with horrors
Your fate sealed with a kiss

Conjure your happiest memory
Feel where it’s coming from
Then, Let that incantation out
Expecto patronum!
Track Name: The Weasley Polka
When you see The Mark
And need some cheering up
Grab some Floo
Come down to
93 Diagon Alley

In our shop
You'll find so many
Joke products
Walk on up we’re stocked up
To fulfill your pranking needs

We’ve got Fainting Fancies, Fever Fudge, and Puking PastiIles
Nosebleed Nougat
Will get you out of class

(See those) pink and purple balls
Those are Pygmy Puffs
Come adopt one of these miniature Puffskeins.

There are Canary Creams
Dungbombs
and Headless hats
Got some cash? Grow a Stach..
Mir-a-cle Stubble Grow

Want to get the girl?
Try our Wonder Witch
Love Potions
‘N’ Lotion
To Vanish Pimples quick

We even have some quills
For all of your studies
Smart Answer, Self Ink and Spell Check varieties.

Re-usable Hang-man
On a string
Hang on tight
Spell It right Or He’ll Swing

---------
CHORUS
So WHY ARE YOU
Why are you WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO?
We are the store for you
That moldy Voldy will never see you
(Peruvian) Instant Darkness Powder
The day will be black as pitch
Just be a clever witch
YOU (really) SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT
U-NO-POO!
If you want a gist
Of all that we do sell
Ground floor
Filches door
Hangs his “forbidden” list

Anything
Written there
We can supply
Hear the bell, raise some hell
Quick find an alibi!

We’ll Owl-Post to you
Filch will have no clue
He holds a box of pranks and tricks

Screaming yo-yos & fanged frisbees
Across the land, We’ve been banned
Since 1996

---------
CHORUS

When you see The Mark
And need some cheering up
Grab some Floo
Come down to
93 Diagon Alley

In our shop
You'll find so many
Joke products
Walk on up we’re stocked Up
To fulfill your pranking needs

If you’ve got some sickles
Weighing down your robes
Load your trunk, with our junk
And avoid probety- probes

Wildfire Whizbangs stream
Across the grounds
Look around, it astounds,
It's a pyrotechnic treat!
Track Name: Care of Magical Creatures (demo)
Care of Magical Creatures

Hedwig is restless; her wings ache to stretch
Blast-ended skrewts in crates, but what do they eat?
Unicorns dislike males, and the foals are golden
Hippogriffs, impossible, love

Magical Creatures, fantastical
Care of magical creatures, taught by Hagrid or Grubbly-Plank

Crookshanks exploring the entire Hogwarts grounds
Bowtruckles in trees, eating woodlice as treats
Grindylows will grab you, so keep away from the lake
Giant Squid, mysterious, bread

Trevor is out of sight, Neville's lost his pet
Doxies' sharp and venomous bites need an antidote
Flobberworms produce mucus for the Wiggenweld Potion
Billywigs, sapphire, fast
Track Name: It Was Dumbledore!
Who’s that professor at Hogwarts?
Who became the Headmaster later time?
It was Dumbledore? (Oooooo It’ was Dumbledore)

Who’s that man at Hogwarts
With the silvery, white, long beard? (Beard!)
Wears wand robes of ...blue? What color DOES he wear, anyway?


Dumbledore went up to Honeydukes
Hoping to find some candy for some inspiration.
He needed a new password
For his office

He already had Lemondrops
Fizzing Whizbees and cockroach clusters
What could his next inspiration for a password?
Not earwax Bertie Botts - He hated that.

“Hey wanna go on a trip with me?” he said to Harry
“Sure, Dumbledore. I’d really like to go to Hogsmeade
Cuz I hear Honeydukes is awesome
...even though I've never been there cuz like I'm totally banished from going without a signed permission form. And I’d never use that cloak from my father or a secret passageway or anything…”

“Great because we’re gonna go there so we can apparate”
“We can apparate?!”
“Yeah, side by side apparition. Cuz you’re not of age yet”
“You know I’m not”
‘But I wasn’t planning for this trip to be a fun one”
“Oh no! Why?”
“Horcruxes. That’s all I gotta say. You’ll learn more later in your life”


“But First”
“But First. Honeydukes!”
“That would be great, can we go to Honeydukes?”
“Yeah. We can go to Honeydukes!”

Honeydukes
Honeydukes
Honeydukes

Be sure to bring your wand!
Track Name: It's Dobby!
Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive
It’s Dobby (It’s Dobby)
Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive
It’s Dobby (It’s Dobby)
Who’s that walkin’ down Privet drive
Stealing your mail
And ruining dinner, (Surprise!)
It’s Dobby
Its Dobby
It’s Dobby

Who’s That blockin’ your way to school
Crashin your trunk
Make you look like a fool

Who’s that tamperin’ wit-dat bludger
chasin only you
Twirl like a dancer

Who’s that stealin’ Snape’s gillyweed
So underwater
You can breathe

Who’s that tryin’ to save your life
He tries so hard
He takes Bellatrix’ Knife
Track Name: Lupin and the Full Moon
Lupin
Howling at the full moon
He’d crying out (owooooooo)
At the moon (Hoooowwwwl)
He’s all alone
In the Shrieking Shack
That’s his home
during the time of the full moon
Full moon

Lupin was out that night
Before dusk
When the sun started to go behind the hills
He knew the time before the change was nigh
He had to travel to somewhere safe
Like the |: Shrieking Shack :|

But he didn't know who (who) who (who)
There was someone else out there
They were paying attention to his
Shifting moods every month
And they were there to help him out
They knew what he had become
When he howled at the moon

And peeves would tease him
Luuuuuuupin (Lupin)
Ooh, Lupin
Loony Loopy Lupin (owoooo)
Track Name: Sirius Black Flies
'Twas early in the fall when I decide to go
To Hogwarts in a location unplottable
The Sorting hat decided to send me to
The House of Gryffindor where I met my crew

But the Blacks, the Blacks, except Sirius Black
All were Slytherins and Toujours Pur
I’ll die before I turn out like my family
In the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black,
at 12 Grimmauld Place

Now the boy James Potter was the captain of our crew
Played Chaser for Gryffindor and was Head Boy too
He said “I’m gonna Levicorpus Snivelous today,
jinxing him to flip around the other way.”

We protected Remus when the moon was glittering
The Marauders were great at transfiguring
Little rat, little rat, called Wormtail secretly
Go hit the knot on the whomping willow tree

When we transformed we traveled everywhere
Wanderin’ through the forest, finding secret stairs
Paddling through the lake, and poking at trees
The Whomping Willow hit back sayin’ “let me be”

After leaving Hogwarts, the Marauders four
All found ourselves fighting in the Great Wizard War
Suspicion arose within our crew
And I was blamed for killing Peter Pettigrew

Now Padfoot is my alias, and Snuffles too
If I’d have been guilty I’d have never pulled through
It was dementors, dementors everywhere,
And Azkaban was full of dread and despair

At last my fear was over and I walked through the doors
Sneaked out of my cell and past the dementors
As Padfoot I could do what I couldn’t as a man
I’ll never be a prisoner of Azkaban again

But the Blacks, the Blacks, except Sirius Black
All were Slytherins and Toujours Pur
I’ll die before I turn out like my family
In the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black,
at 12 Grimmauld Place
Track Name: The Fountain of Fair Fortune
In a garden on a hill
Enclosed by magic walls
Flowed the Fountain of Fair Fortune

One day of the year
was a chance to receive
Fair Fortune forever more

On that day
Travel far and wide, Those who can reach
the garden before dawn

Three witches met outside the walls
Told each other of their sorrows
As they waited for the sun


When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call

Asha was ill
Altheda homeless
Amata heartbroken
And they set off as one

Creepers from the garden
Grasped onto Asha
Altheda and Amata were dragged in too

Sir Luckless the No-Maj
Was tangled with the three
And was forced in with his horse

Only one can bathe in the fountain
Sir Luckless knew
He had no chance

When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call

Amata told him to help them succeed
So the four ventured forth
To the garden with the steed

At the base of the hill
Was a monstrous worm
“Pay me the proof of your pain”

Sir Luckless snapped his sword in the feat
As the witches cast spells
And threw rocks at the beast

Powerless and winless
They could not pass
As the sun rose higher, so Asha wept


When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call

The worm drank her tears
And withdrew to its hole
As all rejoiced the defeat of the task

Halfway up the slope
Were words in the ground
“Pay me the fruit of your labors”

They walked and they walked
‘Til sweat hit the ground
Then ahead they moved along

Now they could see
The fountain, blocked by a stream,
“Pay me the treasure of your past.”

When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call

Sir Luckless sank on his shield in the stream
So the witches pulled him out
As the sun went down

Amata drew her memories
And dropped them in the stream,
So then stepping stones appeared

Now at the summit of the hill,
The foursome reached
The fountain at last

Who would bathe?
Was the question at hand
But Asha collapsed to the ground.

When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call

Altheda made a drink
Of a mix of herbs and water
And Asha was cured

None of the witches bathed
So they told Sir Luckless
The Fountain was for him

The sun was setting
And Sir Luckless emerged
And fell in love with Amata in the end

The foursome left, living long happy lives,
They never knew the Fountain Held no magic at all

When you’re certain
There's magic within you
Be the stone you wish you could hail
You can climb a hill alone
If you fall, some will catch you
Just remember to call
Track Name: The Modest Witch
My momma, your momma, gonna catch a witch,
My momma, your momma, flying on a switch,
My momma, your momma, witches never cry,
My momma, your momma, witches gonna die!

Witch number one, drown in a river!
Witch number two, got a noose to give her!
Witch number three, gonna watch her burn,
Witch number four, flogging take a turn.

Witch number five, she pricked you with a pin,
Witch number six, a trial she can’t win.
Witch number seven, gonna have a fit,
Witch number eight, circle ‘round a little bit

My momma, your momma, gonna catch a witch,
My momma, your momma, flying on a switch,
My momma, your momma, witches never cry,
My momma, your momma, witches gonna die!

Witches never die
Track Name: Hagrid in Hogsmeade
Hagrid Hagrid He went down to Hogsmeade
Hagrid Hagrid To get another cupper that mead
Hagrid Hagrid I’ll pass on those rock cakes
Hagrid Hagrid He drank up the black lake


Of the Hogwarts Houses four
He was sorted in Gryffindor
The giant boarhound, Fang, his dog
Along with his 8 legged friend Aragog

Caring for Harry when he was just a tyke
Took Sirius’ flying motorbike
Through the cabin door he appeared
Dark figure with a bushy brown beard

He took a swig and felt a bit better
He brought Harry a cake and letter
Telling the story with the Dursleys wary
When he revealed Yer a wizard Harry

Magically tapping on the bricks
Half giant at eight foot six
Finally becoming a teacher
Fascinated by magical creatures

He’s got great taste in choosing fowl
He bought Hedwig the Snowy Owl
He is friendly with the Centaurs
But not so much with Dementors

Taking first years across on a boat
Pink umbrella and a moleskin coat
Wrongly accused Giant man
Prisoner of Azkaban

Warming an egg in his shack
He hatched a Norwegian Ridgeback
Hiccuping a fiery spurt
Baby dragon named Norbert

Outside his hut the nettle dries
Tanker of beer is bucket-size
Half giant with a heart of gold
His dog biscuits are full of mold

Comb is breaking in its snare
Greasing back his tangled hair
Searching for the dragon’s fire gleam
Going out with Madame Maxime

In his hut you’ll find him relaxin’
Drinking single-malt whiskey with Abraxans
Making sure students do go out of bounds
He’s Hogwarts Keeper Of Keys and Grounds

Parlay with the giants for the Order
Hiking mountains and crossing borders
Karkus the Gurg ate goats with his wife
I would trust Hagrid with my life

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